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Sing along to Pink Floyd?
Sunday, Apr. 27, 2003, 10:47 p.m.

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I went to a party last night. Yeah, I know, 'me' at a 'party'. Hard to envision, yes? Well, mostly, I had a very good time. I brought some Fuzzy Naval wine coolers and some diet Mountain Dew (the drink of the gods), a beach chair, and some Baked Lays potato chips. And my cell phone. Remember that little carry-on item as it will become very important later.

The hostess had some funny songs playing on a loop and we stood around in the kitchen doubling over at them. One, and yes, I realize I will go to Hell for laughing at this song, was a group of mentally retarded people who had sang "I've Had the Time of My Life" from "Dirty Dancing". Well, you know, I can't sing my own self, so I'm not trying to make fun of their abilities. It's just that it was really, really funny to hear and ... Okay, I know, I'm going to hell.

Anyway, later on, we migrated out back to the porch for the barbeque portion of the evening. I had two hotdogs and 1 hamburger, potato salad, coleslaw (with crab meat and ranch dressing in it), macaroni salad, part of a brownie, and some chips. Diet? What diet?

Then we played Truth or Dare Jenga. Oh, that was so much fun! The only unfortunate thing is that I have not done anything fun in my entire life, so everytime I got a 'truth', I'd be like, "Um..well, I haven't ever really gone skinny dipping". Kinda anti-climatic. But it was fun, nonetheless.

Remember the cell phone I brought? Well-remembered! (as Eddie Izzard says). Well, it was ringing in the kitchen and finally, over the noise, someone was able to hear it and they identified it as my phone. So I left the Jenga game and went in. Three missed calls. One from my sister, one from my mother, one from my grandmother. I knew what it was all about and I just felt like curling up into a ball.

Backstory:

Years ago, I took a little boy to the fair. I was babysitting. I said we'd leave when it got dark. They heard that as "We'll be HOME before it is dark." So, it's like 7:30pm and when we get home, my grandmother is almost in tears, the police have already been called, a family friend has been called, and my mother has driven to and from the fairgrounds and not seen me (which, of course, meant that I wasn't where I was supposed to be). Etc. So, long story short, if I am unaccounted for for 10 minutes, it is the end of the universe and I am probably lying dead somewhere in a ditch.

Okay, back to the present. So, when I see all of these numbers, I know what is going on. But the thing is, I have emailed them earlier that afternoon telling them where I will be.

So anyway, the last number is my sister, so I wisely decide to call her first. She tells me that it is the end of the world, my grandmother is 'just going to trust the Lord' that I'm okay, etc. We decide that she will call them back and say that she got ahold of me and everything is fine.

Okay, so after all of that, I get back to the party. Jenga game is over and Kareoke has started. (I have no idea how to spell that. Hmm. Kareoke=The thing where normal people drink too much, take the microphone and become completely oblivious to the fact that they are tone deaf. Yeah, that Kareoke. Anyway, so I walk in and my friend is sitting there getting ready to sing. I can't sing at all, but I sat on the couch and kind of sang along. She handed me the microphone and the next thing I know, I'm sitting on the floor next to her singing. The first song was some song I didn't really know from O Brother, Where Art Thou. The second song was "Always". Remember that one? Oh yeah, way back. So I sang the girl part and I have to tell you, for a wannabe star, it was more than thrilling to be sittig there with a microphone in my hand, hearing my own voice. Granted, our backs were to the room and granted, I was totally off key and my voice cracked, but holding that microphone and hearing my voice was just magic. It felt right.

It was funny, because as I started to sing the verses, I sounded pretty good. Of course, towards the end of the verse, it sounded horrible. I don't know, really, how I sounded. But it felt good to sing.

We then did the electric slide and I didn't trip anyone, which is always a plus. Did you know there are words to the electric slide? Trying to read them off of the TV screen while doing the electric slide is tres difficult.

After that, the hostess decided to replay the "Time of my Life" clip done by the mentally handicapped people. Some new guests had arrived and hadn't heard it. We were laughing even harder this time and then (this is where I get my just-desserts, so pay attention), one woman said to me, "Is that you singing?"

Yes. She actually said that. She didn't know what was going on in the song. She actually thought it was me. I was upset, to say the least. I guess I sounded like that when I was singing. And I guess that's what I get for laughing. Cut off my neck when I stick it out. Lovely.

Well, after that, someone put on the Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd at the same time so we could see what the deal was with that. We had no mind-altering pharmaceuticals, and I think that is a key element to the whole, "Dude! It's like totally insynch, man!". But anyway, we sat there and watched it and I could see some things that were in synch, and other times, I just wasn't getting it. We sat there for about 40 minutes, then, oh joy of joy, my phone rings again.

It's my mother. She says she dropped by my house and heard and alarm and wanted to make sure it was okay. It was my alarm clock and it comes on twice a day (because I don't remember to turn it off in the am). It was nice of her to call, but it was the cumulative effect that bothered me.

I go back, keep watching the movie, and the senior therapist in the group is just getting on my last nerve. "Is she dreaming yet?" "Now, who are these little people?" "So what is the name of the land?" "Now, which witch is that" "How did she get the shoes?" He has one speed. He drives me crazy. We were trying to listen to the music and see how it went with the movie and he's trying to figure out the story to the Wizard of Oz.

Ah, wait: here's a break from that. The cellphone rings again.

I take it in the other room and it's my sister. She's drunk. No, not just drunk. Sauced. Slammed. No brain functions above the cerebellum drunk. And she wanted to talk. To make matters worse, her fiance was drunk, too. To make matters extra worse, she isn't supposed to drink with her kidney condition. And, as an added bonus, she had just started a new medicine (that I am way excited about her taking, actually) and you are not supposed to drink with it.

So, she was totally gone. I talked to her on the phone for 20 minutes. The creepy Pink Floyd music is going on in the background, people are walking by the spareroom door looking at me. Some people are like, "get off the phone!" in a kidding way. I finally get off the phone and my friend comes in and says, "Guess what. The Pink Floyd CD was on shuffle". Well, no wonder it wasn't really in synch! ROFL. Yeah, we're stupid people.

Anyway, I had had enough. I got my stuff together and made up a story about having to pick up my sister (who, in actuality was walking home) and tried to just get the heck out of there without crying. I don't know when it turned from a good time to a crying time, but it had happened. I think talking to my sister and realizing I wasn't really talking to her, but to a very compromised version of her, was very stressful. And that music in the background? Yikes.

So, I'm making a good, graceful exit, and then the hostess and friend come out and say, "You're leaving without saying bye?" And I said, "Bye!" and they followed me out and asked if I was okay and I kind of gave them the run down on the sister part and the cell phone calls. They were drunk, so what they meant as compassion kind of came across as annoyance. So, anyway, I left, with full intentions of coming home and rubbing my arm raw.

By the time I got home, though, I was too upset to do anything about it. I couldn't even enter it into my diary. I just sat here and toyed around with my templete. I think ghostlight said it best in her entry today, saying that she tries to find her voice through the stats and guestbook entries and buddylists. Anyway, I am still out of my nighttime medicine, so I went to 'sleep' and woke up this morning and here I am.

I'm glad I didn't enter all this in last night because I wouldn't have been very objective. It seemed like the end of the world, but since the sun came up today, it must have been something short of that;)

Oh, squirrelx left a lovely guestbook entry and sent me an email. She is totally not offended by my banner and thought it was funny. I feel totally relieved:) She seems like a very nice person.

Well, it's a lovely day and I am starving, so I am off. Oh, and the answer to the title quote of "Nobody's supersizing anything!" was Mystery Science Theater, 3000. No one got it, but that's okay. It was kind of an obscure one.

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